We made love for the last time on Friday.
I will never understand women.
It was unexpected, considering we officially ended everything on Monday, and she had been rather cold since then. She has been in control of this relationship the whole time, and to be honest, as much as I wanted to be around her, it has been the most painful experience I’ve ever had. I suffered for 4 months. Emotionally, socially, spiritually…… it was painful. I lost me.
On Tuesday night, I went to her house to talk to her. I cried and expressed my broken heart, and how I wish things could be different. She remained cold, and said that she had always told me since the beginning that she never wanted a relationship. I asked for a final kiss goodbye, and left. I swore to myself that I would never love again.
We had dinner “as friends” on Thursday. Yes, I missed her, and wanted one last dinner. She was sociable, but remained cold on any attempt at physical contact. She firmly said to “keep your hands to yourself”. I was destroyed. Ok…… enough. No more.
I made final arrangements to come to her house the next morning to pick up some articles I left at her house.
At 10am I arrived, picked up my things, and agreed to have a quick coffee and small breakfast that she prepared. 20 minutes later. After eating, I thanked her, gathered my strength, and said goodbye as I prepared to walk out the door.
Unexpectedly, she pulled me in for a hug. After 3 seconds, I said, “I can’t do this,” and tried to pull away.
She then pulled me closer, held me tighter, and started to cry. Then I broke down and cried with her, and cursed,
“Damn it! WHY are you doing this? I was just committed to finally walking away forever…. and you do this?? FUCK. WHY?”
2 hours later we made love……
I don’t understand…. anything.